U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
