The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
