Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
