I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
