note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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