my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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