So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
