My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
