I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
