Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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