I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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