i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
