im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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