Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
