Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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