It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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