I faked an abortion last night.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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