He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
