So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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