remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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