So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
