I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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