One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
