I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
