Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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