I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
