so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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