Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
