who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
