Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
