Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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