relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
