You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
