i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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