We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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