sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
