there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
