Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I understand Curling. That high.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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