white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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