omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
