I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
