So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's never too late to be topless.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Randomize
