I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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