I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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