First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
