just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
