is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
