I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
