We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
