i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
